Midlife Meaning

Does anyone else feel as though they haven’t quite achieved everything they were supposed to by now? 

I thought I would have my life together by now.  I’m supposed to have a well-paying job that I love, the beautiful house, the doting husband, the high-achieving children and be well and truly living my happily ever after.  And yes, technically, I do have all of the above in one form or another, but am I actually living my best life?  Or am I living the life I was groomed to want, all the while quietly wondering if I’ve forgotten something crucial, like where I left my soul? (Probably in the junk drawer along with random Tupperware lids and AA batteries).              

James Hollis, the author of Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Your Life, poses the theory that during the first half of your life you spend your time asking, “What does the world want from me?”.  What does my parents, peers and society expect from me?  However, when you reach mid-life, that question evolves to, “What does my soul want from me?” 

Mid-life is often seen by many as a time of grief and regret.  But why?  One day you’re 28 and full of potential, and the next you’re Googling “best shapewear” because your stomach has decided it no longer wants to be aligned with the waistband of your pants.  We suddenly feel stuck and find ourselves questioning every choice we’ve ever made – why we would risk eating that piece of day-old sushi in the fridge, our eyebrow shape.  Everything.

Specifically, we question a career that no longer feels fulfilling, or a relationship that’s no longer exciting.  (Interestingly, the average age for women to get a divorce is 44 years.  Coincidence?  Or did us ladies just decide we’ve all had a gutful at the same time?)

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of stagnation, becoming self-absorbed and disconnected, feeling like a non-player character in our own lives.  Enter mid-life crisis.

Now, us women are very different to men.  Men buy a new sports car or grow a questionable goatee and call it a day.  If only it were that easy.  We pay close attention to our thoughts and feelings.  We feel unfulfilled and bored, almost like we’re on autopilot (and we’re flying Jetstar). 

So what does my soul want from me?  All I know is that it’s definitely yearning for something more than this life, more than what’s here right now.

I know we can’t all just run off and join the circus.  We have bills to pay, responsibilities, and frankly, I’m not about to squeeze into a leotard and do the trapeze with this body I'm currently rocking.  And the thought of making big changes?  Terrifying.  Honestly, I get scared thinking about getting a different haircut.

What if the answer doesn’t need to be so drastic?

Enter generativity, creating value and meaning beyond yourself through mentoring, creativity and giving back.  In short, passing on your personal wisdom… You know all the stuff you’ve learned the hard way so others don’t have to.  When we talk about the soul and what it’s yearning for, maybe the answer is simply to create something beautiful and meaningful for the world to experience.  For me, it’s this.  I’ve always wanted to write but never thought that I had anything interesting to share.  Then I hit my mid-forties and boy do I suddenly have a lot to say!

This is the ‘wisdom’ I’m choosing to pass on, Dear Reader.  All the trials and tribulations, all the failings and frivolities – every beautiful chaotic bit of it.  And let me tell you, for the first time in a long time, I’m excited to sink my teeth into a project that's just for me. For my soul.  Truly.  And besides, this is much cheaper than therapy.

So how do you find your creative outlet and pass on all of that juicy knowledge you carry?  It can be as simple as cooking with your children and passing on an old family recipe. You don’t need to change the world.

You only need to ask yourself, ‘What does my soul want from me?’.

The hardest part, (like finding the right Tupperware containers to go with those damn lids) is listening.

Lauren x